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Susan Marek's blog about angels, chakras, spiritual living, and more.

Where did 'me' go?

Susan Marek

A friend came over today and showed me some new outfits that she had just purchased.  They were all fresh and clean and had that "new clothes" smell.  As she carefully unwrapped them from their crisp paper, she beamed as she gently unfolded each item and explained how she would wear it and how she could mix and match pieces.  She modeled each look for me, and each one was better than the one before.  She looked fabulous! 

Then there was me, standing in my sweatpants and old t-shirt.  Now, in my defense, I had been cooking and cleaning, but it was still not my best fashion look.  After she left, I looked in the mirror at my sad hair and tomato-sauce stained shirt and fantasized about how the blouse I saw in a catalog would look on me.  I could get something new, too!  But then I thought, 'Where would I wear it?"

All afternoon I have thought about those new clothes.  And all afternoon I have thought of where I would wear them.  The conclusion I have come to is that I don't take myself out enough.  I am committed to everything but myself.  Cleaning, Girl Scouts, soccer practice, grocery shopping, and laundry are some of the tasks that occupy my days, none of which require a fabulous new outfit.  I find myself contemplating when it was that I took a back seat to everything and everyone.  I am not sure exactly, but I think it has to do with baby vomit on a new dress.  And if you know baby vomit, that is some toxic stuff.  So all good things went to the back of the closet, and t-shirts became the uniform du jour. 

Over time, going out was replaced by staying in.  Dinners for two replaced by dinners for three, then four, then five.  I don't regret a minute of family life.  I just wish that "my time" hadn't gotten lost in the family shuffle.  Completely my fault and something I am going to work on ASAP.  Starting with a new outfit. And someplace to wear it. Stay tuned!